Rough Weekend

I'll let the barn owner say it since she said it best:

Rest In Peace Henry Ray Magillicutty, awfully sweet and kinda smutty....my beautiful buckskin boy.

I am a heartbroken wreck.

On Wednesday, August 6th, Henry Ray went to the vet for elective cryptorchid surgery (gelding with a retained testicle~neuter for you non horsey folks)

Henry had to be put down this morning due to complications from this surgery. Williams opened him up, and the found a hole in the large bowel. He doesn't think he cut him with a scalpel, but thinks he had stitched the large intestine when closing him up. Henry suffered massive peritonitis. I am beyond grief. Williams was so sorry and felt bad. He didn't charge me for putting him down or for the final ride, and I know he didn't mean to do it. I know God has a reason, but today all I can think of is that I hauled him to his death, and that he had to suffer the last day of his life due to my choice. I had planned to take him to A&M and just didn't have the extra resources.

Henry can never be replaced, and nothing will bring him back. He was the affectionate one. The baby forever. The one who would run to me for protection, and would play the days away with anyone who would join him.

I searched for him for so many years. My buckskin boy with no white markings at all... just what I always wanted. So perfect. So kind. So loving. I will miss him more than words can express.

I can't help but feel cheated and angry, and I am struggling with acceptance today.

RIP my beautiful boy. Not a day will pass that I don't regret my choice. I hope you will forgive me in my ignorance. I will listen closer to my heart from here on out. It was a great privilege to have you in my life. I will call for you at the bridge. Please come running.

Henry was 4 yrs and 4 days old this morning. RIP Raymond. You will be missed.

I got this email on Friday morning, though a personal message from Steph preceded it by half an hour or so. It was a rough entry into the weekend. While Henry wasn't my horse, I had worked with him several times and looked forward to continuing that work after he was gelded. While cryptorchid surgery is certainly more complex than a regular gelding, it is not uncommon. There wasn't a good reason for him to die, and it certainly wasn't a likelihood.

It was a sad weekend at the barn. I went out on Friday evening, upset about Henry and about something that happened at work, and Halo whinnied and came running. She doesn't do that every day - I don't know if she just knew momma had treats or if she somehow knew I needed her. Good filly.

I remember Steph telling me about the night that Little Momma had her foal by Henry Raymond. She said even though Little Momma was up at the barn, it was like Raymond knew that it was his baby. He stayed by the gate of the lower pasture, his head raised and ears pricked toward the barn as the night wore on and the foal was born.

I wish he could have lived to see his babies grow up.